Resentment is creeping in

Article
Madison Hart

18 days ago by queenofharts33

I am started to resent having to write an article everyday. I like to let my thoughts marinate for a while… brute-force pushing myself to write is resulting in half-thoughts and a long list of topics I’d like to write about, but need more time than I can give within a day.

Further, being under a time crunch, I am finding myself sharing quite a bit about myself and inner. I was blowing it off until someone commented to me in-person about one of my tweets from a few days ago.

I literally HATE it when people IRL tell me what I should and should not say… or express concern over some random comment. “Don’t you know how you look?” “You look like a fool.” “Your antics look ridiculous.”

Do not coerce me into being overly self-aware. Do not coerce me into putting other people’s opinions over my own self expression. I will not bend the knee but I WILL take note that you tried to push my head down.

NO COERCION. NO VIOLENCE.

While we’re on the subject, I give none of my energy to this, but: I have zero tolerance for when I hear from someone something they were told about me from a third party that I know is not in my corner. AKA “Oh, Fred was telling me you did XYZ.” Based on the source and an extensive history of bullies and just cruel, conspiring females, I near-always know if that third-party conversation was singing my praises or attempting to throw dirt on me.

I know I’m a fascinating creature but I see your intentions and they will not touch my life. I can hear you, but I ain’t listening. I’M longgg since DONE.

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss other people.

Refreshingly, few/no people in my inner sphere sit and talk about other people. This was no accident. It is tricky though, because females are naturally inclined to talk about others; we are relational beings. I find these conversations dull and I can never think of anything to add, and I usually just plan my escape and join more idea-driven conversations. Unfortunately for younger me, this is usually the male conversations. Back in the lovely days of youth, I was often accused of flirting with the guys… nope they just talk about more interesting subjects and they’re not in competition with each other. Maturity and marriage (thus less threatened/scarcity-minded females) have softened the female dynamic, and through some legwork and signalling I’ve now found other females who enjoy similar conversations as me.

Ahh. My resentment seems to have lifted. My web log journey continues…